Showing posts with label kristen wiig. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kristen wiig. Show all posts

Monday, October 01, 2007

Script doctors

Albert: I can't wait for a Penelope movie
Albert: she could interact with other movie characters
Justin: I have 102 dalmations. so
Albert: she'd be like, Luke Skywalker, I blew up fifty Death Stars this morning, so
Albert: no one can refuse any of my offers ever, so
Justin: ~~~~~~~~~
Albert: let's write the script
Albert: Wiig can play multiple characters a la Norbit
Albert: Penelope can go to Target
Justin: whoa ho
Albert: and run into the two a-holes
Albert: and the Joe Schmo household
Justin: you look like a rabbit
Albert: so you're in right
Albert: for writing this script
Justin: absolutely
Justin: let me bring up a famous movie quotes page and get cracking
Albert: it'd be the Ali G Indahouse of Kristen Wiig
Justin: "I invented walkin' here, so"
Justin: "my name is also James Bond, James Bond the first, so"
Justin: "I can't be back because I never left, so"
Justin: "my mama also always said that life is like a box of chocolates, and she made me boxes of chocolates and she made the chocolate and the boxes, so"
Justin: "they were actually talkin' to me, people are always, talkin'. to me. just something they like to do. be talkin' to me. so"
Albert: yessss
Albert: "I actually give a damn even less than you, so"
Justin: "I phoned my home too, so. just phoned them up, so. and I'm also an alien, so."
Albert: "my home's a little bit nicer than yours, so, you know, just a little bit better, so"
Albert: "I'm mad, too, and also not going to take it anymore, so, in fact, I decided that a little earlier than you, so, I was mad first, so"
Justin: "and I get unlimited minutes, so. my phone calls to other planets are free, so. it's a really good deal, just the best possible deal for phone calls, so"
Albert: "I'm not even mad, more like furious, so, you know, I'm the maddest person ever, in history, so"
Justin: "Mrs Robinson was actually trying to seduce me, so. people are always trying to seduce me, just something that's always happening, to me. so."
Albert: "I ate his liver, too, I've eaten everyone's livers, actually, everyone in history, so, there aren't any more livers left, because I ate them all"
Justin: I love the smell of napalm at any time of day, so. I have napalm-scented candles in my house that I light, so. and I'm made of napalm
Albert: "I've also always depended on the kindness of strangers, I invented the concept of strangers, yeah, before me, everyone knew each other, so, you know, pretty important"
Justin: I could've been even more of a contender, so. I was ranked #1 on the list of the top 100000 contenders in the world, so.
Albert: I actually raided this arc a long time before you, so, it's not lost any more, so, you know, actually I raided all the arcs, in the world, and some imaginary ones, too, so
Justin: people in space can hear me scream, so. because I invented a machine that lets people in space hear you, so. when I scream in space people can hear me, so. just, helpful, and convenient.
Albert: I actually can handle the truth, I won a contest, for best truth handler, in the world, ever, so, you know, pretty good at handling the truth
Justin: I built it and they already came, so. already did .. that, just something I decided to do, before now, so.
Albert: every time a bell rings, I get wings, too, so, not just angels, it's me too, I've got like, trillions of wings. so
Justin: I cooked what she's having, so. and I invented the recipe for it, so. and I own this whole restaurant, and everything on the menu makes people act like they're having an orgasm, so.
Justin: I'm the actual king of the world, so. won the election, for it. everyone voted for me for king of the world, so. just something I won, which is nice.
Albert: I have my own island, full of dinosaurs, it's in my bedroom, so, you know, a little more dinosaurs than here, different species, and you know, it's a little safer than this place, people really like it
Justin: Soylent Green is me, so
Justin: I'm the actual luckiest man on the face of the earth, so. just have the most, luck, which is nice, so.
Albert: I actually already showed him the money, so, you know, no need for you to do that, it's taken care of
Albert: you don't need a bigger boat, really, I'm a boat, the biggest boat ever built, so
Justin: OMG I was just working on one for having the biggest boat in the world so

Monday, October 09, 2006

Wiig party

Justin sez: "Big Wigs might be the single worst skit of this grim era." Agreed? I'd love to link to it but somehow it didn't make it on to NBC.com. It's certainly worth considering; with all the bad sketches lately, something has to be the worst. Although I'm still going with "I'M CAROL!"

Everything I said here applies to the Nancy Grace sketch, although I still thought it was sort of funny.