Games without frontiers (or interest)

There's a "Desperate Housewives" video game.

I know. I know. Here's the premise:

"In Desperate Housewives: The Game, you'll live out the lifestyle you've seen & loved on the hit ABC show. You're a new housewife on Wisteria Lane, and as you explore your new neighbrohood you'll discover all-new stories and secrets. The storyline is divided into episodes, each with new points and secrets waiting to be uncovered. Get the truth behind some delicious scandals -- and reveal some shocking secrets of your own."

From the sounds of it, the only cast member they got to participate is the disembodied voice of Mary Alice. Smart cast.

Metacritic has exactly zero reviews for it so far, which means that even people who play video games for a living know better than to go anywhere near this one. There's no reviews on Amazon, either. The "Desperate Housewives" audience isn't exactly your video game crowd (which is why this game is only available for PCs) - this very well might be the first video game to come out that no one has bought or played. It could be the game to finally beat out "E.T." for the Atari as worst game ever produced. Awesome.

At the very least, it might have surpassed this for lamest TV show tie-in merchandise ever:



Let's take a look at some of the blistering in-game action:



It's the most life-like Nicolette Sheridan has looked in years!

Wii the people

(Video games count, right? I mean you play them on a TV...mostly)

The Nintendo Wii finally has a release date! November 19, $249 - more than the $199 originally hoped/speculated but much less than the PS3, which should be out...somewhere around that time. It also comes with "Wii Sports" as a pack-in, which is probably nothing more than a few quick games to show off the motion-sensitive Wii remote (which totally should be called the "Wiimote").

It's not all rainbows and butterflies. The roster of launch titles - with no Mario or Metroid until 2007 - is thinner than [INSERT KATE MOSS JOKE HERE] and there's no DVD playback after all, which is a bizarre move given how the lack of multimedia functions hurt the Game Cube against the PS2 and Xbox (and PS3 having Blu-Ray capability and all).