Evans: No

Sara Evans has quit "Dancing with the Stars"! At least she went out with a respectable performance. Does this mean Willa Ford gets a reprieve, or will there just not be an elimination next week (unlikely). If the former is the case, can I re-use my "Voters: Escort Ford" subject header?

"It is too bad because dance has a really healing quality to it as well, and I think the family of DWTS could be a great support system for her," Carrie Ann Inaba told Us Weekly.

Wow, she's trying really hard to be nice. Sounds painful.

Here are some of the gory details of Evans' divorce, supposedly the reason she dropped out.

Here is my favorite:

-Evans claims that Schelske keeps more than 100 photos of Schelske "posing with his erect penis"

A victimless crime, right?

Glaring with the stars

Mario Lopez was INTENSE while the judges were talking to him tonight. I've never seen him look so butch. Here's a dramatization:

ITALIAN GUY: Mareeeeeeo! You are the LATEEN LOVER OF THE DANCE FLOOR. WE SHOULD MAKE OUT RIGHT NOW.

SLATER: [stares]

BRITISH GUY: Jolly good performance, guv'nuh!

SLATER: [stares]

ASIAN CHICK: Wow, that was really good. My life has been changed because of that performance. It was something before that dance, and now it's different.

SLATER: [stares]

That's what happens when you mess with a former "Pacific Blue" cast member like they did last week. Speaking of Carrie Ann Inaba, did she gain 10 years since last episode or what? Sista looked tired.

Sara Evans is not long for this show.