Manic Monday

Huge, huge, HUGE night tonight. At 7 on CBS, we've got the third season premiere of "How I Met Your Mother," which features the achingly handsome Enrique Iglesias and the ever-effervescent Mandy Moore (playing, hi-lariously, AGAINST TYPE! as a tattooed bad girl) and returns to the single Ted on the prowl action we've all missed.

Then, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME, we've got the series premiere of "Chuck," which of course we've all been looking forward to for months. Well, we've all been seeing promos for it on NBC during "Office" repeats for months, at least. And lots of banner ads online. He's the secret, she's the agent - did you know that? Call me crazy, but I think sparks are going to FLY between those two! Plus, always good to see a "Less Than Perfect" alum in a starring role.

And then, yes, AT THAT SAME EXACT TIME AS THE OTHER TWO SHOWS, there's the fifth season premiere of the almighty "Dancing with the Stars." Aside from Kelly Taylor and Dr. Quinn, the celebrities are all pretty lame this season (Mark Cuban? Wayne Newton? A bunch of people I've never heard of?), but at this point I'm into it more for the professional dancers, as I've become big fans of a lot of them - so psyched to see Anna Trebunskaya back in the mix! And also, um, I like football. I am a manly man! I won't watch "The Bachelor," though. I have my limits.

Then at 8 p.m., of course, the big return of "Heroes" for a second season, which is really just a countdown until Kristen Bell shows up for me. Well, Masi Oka in samurai garb, as seen on the cover of this week's EW, is also pretty alluring.

And then there's "The Big Bang Theory," "Journeyman" and other things I probably won't watch. Is it at least somewhat depressing that the new CBS sitcom is the second thing that pops up when you Google "the big bang theory." I mean, you would hope that at least, say, the top three results were for the actual scientific theory.

And, if I were writing cheesy headlines about tonight's new shows, they'd read like this: "Subscribe to 'The Big Bang Theory,'" "You should be 'up' with 'Chuck" and "Take a trip with 'Journeyman.'" If they suck, just add "not" or "don't" to those.