'The Office' 4.1 - Rabid fanbase

Hey, Jim and Pam are together! That should make the "JAM" "'shippers" happy. Though now, thanks to the wisdom of Kevin Malone, we've got a much better Pam and Jim portmanteau - PB&J.

Compared to previous "Office" season premieres, "The Dundies" and "Gay Witch Hunt," this was pretty weaksauce. Now, I thought it was very, very, good, but it just felt a little too silly and over the top at times, I guess - a giant check made out to "science" is funny, sure, but a little out of tone for The Office. Same with Andy taping up his nipples (I am one of the biggest Andy fans around, but that was not his shining moment). That compounded with Pam walking in on naked Michael and yet another motivational speech from Pam to Michael, it all just started to feel a little tiresome.

It's weird - I liked all the supersized and hourlongs in the past, and I always heard people say that they were too long or dragged or whatever. I was like "no way! More of something I like!" But last night I felt they might have a point.

Obviously there were plenty of great moments - all the Dwangela stuff, anything Kevin did, the clever references to the camera, some great wordplay like "a little stitious" and the Jeopardy thing - but it felt, to me, liked it lacked a certain something that makes The Office not just extremely funny, but also one of the best shows on TV.

There has to be something more to Jim and Pam, too. I'm completely confident that the writers wouldn't finally get them together just to have them act exactly like they did in season one and two, other than occasionally being caught holding hands. Unless that's the idea, I guess.

It's relative subparness was compounded by airing on the same night as an exception "My Name Is Earl" series premiere ("If you ask me, the Civil War never ended, we're just at halftime) and two awesome "IASIP"s (Judy Greer is the queen of clever sitcom cameos).

Share of devils in this angel town

Officially psyched. Haha, "implants." I get it!

Darkly Shopping Dexter

There's a red-dyed fountain outside of the Barnes and Noble at Desert Ridge Marketplace right now, to promote the second season of "Dexter" (which starts Sunday), in some novel viral marketing. Some jerk wrote about it here. If I had time, I'd totally make the 35-40 minute drive out there to take a picture of it, and post it here, but I don't, so I won't. Sad, I know.

Ratings: Addiset back

Why are you so smiley, Kate Walsh? Sure, you're starring in a new TV show and went to the same high school as my mom, but "Private Practice" kind of, you know, bombed in the ratings last night, getting beat by "Bionic Woman." "BW" got a 5.5 in 18-49s, with "PP" only netting a 5.1. "BW" has actually popped the highest rating for a new series so far all fall (and for some reason I don't see, say, "Carpoolers," giving it a run for its money), and on viewership-starved NBC probably means that it's practically already been renewed. Obviously, the second week is the "real test" for both these shows. Neither show is lighting the critical world on fire, though; I was lukewarm to "BW," and the 10 minutes or so I saw (mainly by accident) of "PP" was plenty. Also apparently atrocious: "Big Shots," debuting tonight.

'Bionic Woman' 1.1 - Dismemberment plan

"Bionic Woman" was probably my most anticipated fall show this year, for one pretty good reason - it's produced by David Eick, who, along with Ronald Moore, is responsible for the totally rad "Battlestar Galactica" remake. Of course, "Bionic Woman" follows the same rough formula - it's a super-serious reimagining of a cheesy '70s sci-fi show, where the basic concepts and some character names are kept and everything else is built from the ground up. The fact that Mae Whitman, aka Annie McNoFace, was cast to play the title character's deaf younger sister, was just a bonus (though she got recasted and the character regained her hearing somewhere along the way).

Other than behind-the-scenes stuff, the similarities to "BSG" are rather readily apparent - Katee "Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace" Sackhoff in a prominent role as the evil bionic woman, what looked to be the same font in the opening credits, and hey, even the Chief for a scene.

It's probably unfair to endlessly compare "BW" to "BSG," but let's do it for a while anyway. "BW" doesn't seem nearly as capable as working on the different levels "BSG" operates on - what with the political intrigue and real world parallels and all that. That doesn't mean "BW" doesn't have potential as a sci-fi/action series, but being a good sci-fi/action series isn't really what most people like about "BSG." At this point, "Bionic Woman" seems a lot tidier and in more of a typical good vs. evil continuum, and thus a lot less interesting (although that obviously could change). Does this mean that "BW" is a poor man's "BSG"? Mmmmaybe.

Michelle Ryan is an appealing enogh lead, like a younger, vaguely British Amanda Peet. What's jarring is how quickly she seems to go from being freaked out over the whole being a bionic woman thing to saying "Alright, cool," as is indicated in next week's previews. It's also weird and also fantastic to see Sackhoff in a considerably less butchy role than "BSG" (her makeup in the bar scene towards the end was somewhat disorienting). She's great and deserves a shot on a "real" network - speaking of which, it's odd to see a show like this on an NBC. It's more of a "real" sci-fi show, not a splashy, flashy affair like "Heroes." Nerds are taking over, just like Nostradamus predicted.

I'll stick around for episode two, but to again compare it to "BSG," you have to wonder if the hard science fiction aspects of it might not appeal to the masses. At least on "Battlestar," you've got people flying around in space to begin with, so you expect a certain amount of wackiness. Here, it's "Normal, normal, normal - hey, you have robot limbs and these crazy things crawling around your blood!" - normal, normal, normal." Could give a few cases of genre whiplash.

Hoff to a good start

It's a good time to be David Hasselhoff. Whoa, that doesn't get said a lot. By anyone. Ever. But let's look at the facts. He's a celebrity judge on a moderately popular network summer reality show, and soon to be the star of his own "Curb Your Enthusiasm"-type program, according to this report from Variety. Will David Chokachi be his Richard Lewis?

But wait! That's not all! Variety is also reporting that NBC is looking to reimagine "Knight Rider," "Bionic Woman"/"Battlestar Galactica"-style. Though no Hoff involvement has been announced, it's hard to envision such a project without him.

Speaking of "Curb," it's been really hilarious this season.

'Dancing with the Stars' - Maran out of town

My absolutely unparalleled "Dancing with the Stars" prediction rate remains as accurate as ever - Josie Maran was indeed the first person out on tonight's elimination show. She joins an illustrious group - Paulina Porizkova, Tucker Carlson, Kenny Mayne and original "Bacheorette" Trista Rehn Sutter. Heroes, all. Well, Josie, at least you're not a quitter like that Jimmy from "Kid Nation."

'House' 4.1 - Not accustomed to your face

The first "House" without Foreman, Cameron and Chase - definitely didn't have any of those people in it.

That's surprising. I thought they'd be back by the first episode of this season (maybe not at their old jobs, but at least on the show), but, nope (teasers for next episode show they'll at least be there in ghosty hallunication form, though).

Pretty much, the episode was exactly what it sounds like - an episode of "House," but without most of the supporting cast. The illness o' the week had a good twist, and we got to see hilarious scheming Wilson. But a lot of people were probably hoping to find out more about what the old team is up to, but it looks like we'll have to wait at least a couple weeks for that, since we've got madcap House interviewing job candidates to look forward to next eppy. Which actually does sound fairly great.

Wain over me

Despite it being premiere week, my favorite show right now isn't on that outdated, 20th century contraption, "television," it's online. It's "Wainy Days," a webshow starring David Wain of "The State" and "Stella" fame. Between this and the transcendent "Clark and Michael," it's really great that webshows are now being produced by people that I already like in "real" entertainment instead of just, you know, random nobodies.

And, like "C&M," each episode has been chockablock full of other people I like. So far on "Wainy Days," we've gotten the lovely Elizabeth Banks, the irrepressible A.D. Miles, the inimitable Michael Ian Black, the cagey Ken Marino, the crafty Kerri Kenney, and Callie Thorne, thankfully much less crazy and hard to take than she is on "Rescue Me." The latest episode ensured its place as "Clark and Michael" spiritual successor by featuring "Superbad" star Jonah Hill - plus there was some hot Thomas Lennon action, and it was great to see him playing someone other than Lt. Jim Dangle.

So yeah, watch it. In fact, the first episode is RIGHT HERE! You have no excuse!

Other news

- Adrianne Curry's blog is apparently awesome. Who would guess such a thing? It's made the rounds this week, due to the original "Top Model" winner's declaration that though slavery "does suck some major balls," it's "time to move the fuck on." Bold. And, you know. Disturbing.

- You gotta dig all these specific references to time in this TMZ-Kiefer Sutherland-DUI story. Picture them being preceded by a digital clock and dramatic countdown sounds.

- "Nashville" has been canceled. I was not aware that it had started. The symmetry of it being replaced by "K-Ville" is not unnoticed, though.

- "HIMYM" was very funny Monday night, but I think we can consider any future "lower-back tatoo on slutty girls" jokes, starting with "Wedding Crashers" and ending with that episode, yes, wait, for it...



- I still haven't watched "Chuck," "Heroes" or "Reaper." I fail at life. However, Channel Surfing correspondent Justin Shapiro has weighed in with these insightful words on the "Heroes" season premiere: "That little girl is sassy. I would probably sass the shit out of people if I had Mohinder and fatty as My Two Dads."

'Dancing with the Stars' - Hélio: (not) phoned in

Julianne Hough, who, aside from being adorable, won last year's "DwtS" alongside Apolo Anton Ohno, got the highest score tonight - with her and her partner, some guy I've never heard of (Hélio Castroneves, apparently a race car driver of some kind), leaping in front of the other dudes I've never heard of with a 25 (one point short of Sabrina Bryan's 26 Monday night).

Poor Josie Maran is still the worst, although, unsurprisingly, Floyd Mayweather and Wayne Newton also did pretty poorly (18 and 19, respectively). Maran is still the easy pick for first elimination Wednesday night. As a Phoenix Suns fan, though, the temptation is to root for Mark Cuban to somehow spontaneously combust during the elimination show. And that's not even mentioning his alarmingly offensive hobo routine.

But seriously, who are these dudes? Cameron Mathison? Albert Reed? To quote someone doing a crappy Jerry Seinfeld impression, "who are these people?" How is it that as this show gets more popular, the celebrities get worse? Are they just running out of people that we've heard of that are willing to devote time to learning how to dance and stuff? "Dancing with the Stars," season six, featuring one of the non-Nicole Scherzinger members of Eden's Crush and the reanimated corpse of Richard Mulligan!

'Boston Legal' 4.1 - Wig party

Wacky lawyers? Three-time Emmy award winner James Spader in drag? Rampant cast changes? It must be the fourth season premiere of "Boston Legal"!

Plus, we've got the addition of John Larroquette to the cast (last seen killing himself on "House"), since we obviously needed another sexagenarian actor* on the show given that Rene Auberjonois isn't a series regular any more. Unfortunately, this character is not Dan Fielding 15 years later, as he's kind of a stiff instead of a swingin' ladies name. Disappointing given David E. Kelley's love of TV crossovers (remember "The Practice" meets "Ally McBeal," or as I called it, "Ally McPractice"?), but I'm sure they'll figure out some excuse for a Marsha Warfield guest shot.

Larroquette is even kind of playing the Auberjonois role (albeit surely he'll get in the court room mix more), as the über straightman who's just positively overwhelmed by all the hijinx at C,P&S. But, he showed up to Clarence's singing contest at the end of the episode, so that tension is probably gone. Phew. How long before the Clarence-Jerry Two Stooges act gets old, anyway?

Every season this show has a ton of cast changes, that are never really that well explained (or at all), only to be replaced by new character that will soon disappear mysteriously (remember that young lawyer dude that looked kind of like the lead singer of The Killers?). So yeah, apologies if we don't get too attached, young British lady lawyer. And Brad is an ADA now? OK, great.

The episode itself was alright. It's nice that there's a case that's going to last longer than one ep - there wasn't much of that last season.

*Alright, fine. John Larroquette doesn't turn 60 until November 25. Whatev.

Rudolph reined in

Yeah, never mind. Maya Rudolph is coming back to "SNL" after all.

What a crazy roller coaster of emotions this has been! And the season premiere, I believe their 96th, is just a few days away - this Saturday, Sept. 29, with NBA megastar LeBron James as host and music genius/noted malcontent Kanye West as musical guest.

It's all good, but come on. No more Noonie/Noonie. Please.

'Dancing with the Stars' - Josie grossie

Though co-host Samantha Harris was busy having a baby or something today, "Dancing with the Stars" is back. Of course, being a recognized international "Dancing with the Stars" expert (I talked about the show on the Shane Foxman show on CFUN in Vancouver, after all), I was watching.

First of all, I know they like to milk ratings, but six dances in 90 minutes is really pretty pathetic. That's like 12 minutes of dancing, a really disappointing dancerate. That's a lot of Tom Bergeron (and Drew Lachey, filling in for Harris) padding.

Sabrina Bryan, despite not being someone I've ever heard of, was surprisingly awesome, and they netted a 26 - a tie for the best first-week score ever with season three's powerhouse Mario Lopez/Karina Smirnoff team. Jennie Garth was there. Jane Seymour and Marie Osmond were pleasant enough for people old enough to be my mother - it's nice to see older women on the show for a change, as we've always gotten old dudes (Peterman, George Hamilton, Jerry Springer, Cliff Claven).

Josie Maran, with her 16 out of 30, is an easy pick for the first cut, and I can say that pretty confidently even before any of the men have performed. Despite being terribly attractive, no one knows who she is (Shandi Finnessey syndrome), and she got a freakin' 16 out of 30. Women have a harder time on the show with voters anyway (the voters love hot men/adorably old men), and even if Wayne Newton's hip explodes tomorrow, I still see her getting the first boot.

Maya Rudolph: GET OOOOUUUUUTTTTT

Despite TV Guide's illustrious Michael Ausiello reporting that she's staying, Maya Rudolph, is, in fact, leaving "Saturday Night Live."

Even though she's definitely done some funny stuff - "Wake Up, Wakefield," y'all - it's been about seven years (she started when I was still in high school! yikes!), and I think this is probably the right time for her. Mainly because I'm psyched about not having to see another "Noonie/Noonie" sketch (they have wacky furniture!). Those are "Mad TV"-unfunny (now all we have to do is get rid of "Deep House Dish"). And even though I'm a Rudolph fan and a lot of people seem to love it, I was never sure as to what the point of impersonating Whitney Houston was in the year 2007.

Still, though, she's a real team player, as evidenced by her many roles over the years and many ethnicities she was able to play. Rudolph hasn't been in a ton of non-"SNL" things (she was funny in "Idocracy," though) and I sure hope we'll see her being funny somewhere soon, perhaps in the Judd Apatow-comedy tree mix.

And now there's only two women on "SNL" - Kristen Wiig and Amy Poehler. Two great, great women, but still. We'll see how long that's the case.

You'll be missed!

Manic Monday

Huge, huge, HUGE night tonight. At 7 on CBS, we've got the third season premiere of "How I Met Your Mother," which features the achingly handsome Enrique Iglesias and the ever-effervescent Mandy Moore (playing, hi-lariously, AGAINST TYPE! as a tattooed bad girl) and returns to the single Ted on the prowl action we've all missed.

Then, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME, we've got the series premiere of "Chuck," which of course we've all been looking forward to for months. Well, we've all been seeing promos for it on NBC during "Office" repeats for months, at least. And lots of banner ads online. He's the secret, she's the agent - did you know that? Call me crazy, but I think sparks are going to FLY between those two! Plus, always good to see a "Less Than Perfect" alum in a starring role.

And then, yes, AT THAT SAME EXACT TIME AS THE OTHER TWO SHOWS, there's the fifth season premiere of the almighty "Dancing with the Stars." Aside from Kelly Taylor and Dr. Quinn, the celebrities are all pretty lame this season (Mark Cuban? Wayne Newton? A bunch of people I've never heard of?), but at this point I'm into it more for the professional dancers, as I've become big fans of a lot of them - so psyched to see Anna Trebunskaya back in the mix! And also, um, I like football. I am a manly man! I won't watch "The Bachelor," though. I have my limits.

Then at 8 p.m., of course, the big return of "Heroes" for a second season, which is really just a countdown until Kristen Bell shows up for me. Well, Masi Oka in samurai garb, as seen on the cover of this week's EW, is also pretty alluring.

And then there's "The Big Bang Theory," "Journeyman" and other things I probably won't watch. Is it at least somewhat depressing that the new CBS sitcom is the second thing that pops up when you Google "the big bang theory." I mean, you would hope that at least, say, the top three results were for the actual scientific theory.

And, if I were writing cheesy headlines about tonight's new shows, they'd read like this: "Subscribe to 'The Big Bang Theory,'" "You should be 'up' with 'Chuck" and "Take a trip with 'Journeyman.'" If they suck, just add "not" or "don't" to those.