Doubting Thomas

Much like everyone else, I thought the wrap-up to the "campus rapist" storyline on "Veronica Mars" was pretty nifty - especially seeing CW-ized Logan finally do something not wimpy and lame. Yet that doesn't stop me having some serious reservations about this season, and articles like this, an interview conducted by a fawning Kristin Veitch (is there any other kind?) with series creator Rob Thomas (not the Matchbox 20 guy), don't make me feel a lot better:

What’s the plan for the rest of the season?
Well, you’ll be the first person to hear this. There has been talk—more than talk—about dropping the whole big mystery idea after this middle mystery and to do all stand-alone episodes and sort of a combination of a few things. The network is behind it, and I am interested in heading in that direction.

So basically they're dumbing it down - further than the "three mini-mysteries," even. There are a lot of people who dug the first two seasons in large part because of the big mysteries - you knew there was going to be a payoff at the end (as opposed to "X-Files" or "Lost" or "The Nine," etc.) but you still had that many months of being tortured, trying to figure it out each week. We'll see what happens. As much as I liked this week's episode, it felt about 1/3 as dramatic as the season one and two finales.

But still:

R.I.P.

DEAN CYRUS O'DELL
194? or 195? - 2006

You didn't like Veronica very much at at first. Then you did. You had to deal with those militant feminists and keep the Greeks in line. You had a young hot wife that was secretly banging the young hot professor from "Saved by the Bell: The College Years." I saw the actor that plays you in "For Your Consideration" last week. He also narrated a couple educational videos I had to watch in high school. You probably drove a Hybrid car.


See you in the next TV show you guest star in.

Lbsed in the ratings

The Mark Feuerstein streak continues - after just three weeks, "3 Lbs." is done. All eyes are on you, fellow ratings poison Josh Cooke and "Big Day," which got miserable ratings after its debut Tuesday.

Let's count the brain surgery/medical puns in the Variety article linked above:

1) "Brain drain: '3 Lbs.' goes to early grave"
2) "It's not brain surgery, but it's canceled."
3) "New CBS medical drama "3 Lbs." has been declared brain dead after just three weeks"
4) "the Eye has yet to pull the plug officially."
5) "After weighing the latest Nielsen numbers,"
6) "Killing "3 Lbs." was a no-brainer"

That's six puns in a 268 word article - which is a stunning 44 words-to-pun ratio. Clear space on your mantle for that Pulitzer, Adam Dawtrey, Josef Adalian and your collegue also named Josef Adalian.

Pull the plug

More product placement talk - except this week it's on "Studio 60," so naturally it's just product placement with the best of intentions, and the resolution for it is the most intelligent, poignant and meaningful product placement in product placement history. So is "Peripheral Vision Man" a show within a show within a show?

Masi Oka was on "Conan." Good to see an Asian homeboy representin'. "Heroes" tonight at least had...something more going on than usual. A friend recently watched the entire season thus far back to back, and she dug it, and I think that it probably is better viewed in big chunks like that, but I'm still enjoying it so far. Thank goodness the cheerleader, and thus, the world, were both able to be saved.

Mall wonder

Now, here is something on a much happier note. I don't know where the quasi-porn intro is, though. Speaking of CBS sitcoms, was "The Class"...actually funny today? Was I...laughing at it? Do I...like that show? Waa waa wii waa.

Lunatic cringe

Yikes. That was the most awkward TV I've seen since Bill O'Reilly shouted down the son of a 9/11 victim and cut his mic off. Why did he insist on saying "Afro-Americans" twice? Did he really think that was a good idea? What a creepy dude. Jerry Seinfeld chastising the audience ("Stop laughing. It's not funny") was pretty something, too.

Albert was right

You heard it here first, folks: I boldly predicted that the O.J. Simpson special wouldn't ever actually air, and here's a surprise, I was right. Actually, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise for loyal "Channel Surfing" devotees, not only did I fearlessly proclaim Emmitt Smith winner of "Dancing with the Stars" more than 24 hours before he officially won that title, I also declared "Smith" the first cancellation of the fall season back in July or something, when such a claim would have made me look off my nut. Stick with me, Surfers, together we'll make a difference in this crazy world.

The Racist Adventures of Old Cosmo

We've all seen this by now, right? "Hipster doofus," indeed. Apparently racism has replaced Kabbalah as the hot new thing in Hollywood. They're exchanging red bracelets for white hoods! Why can't they do normal things like adopt African babies? I like how it says "WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS PROFANE AND RACIAL." Racial? Did David Brent write that copy? Stupid TMZ. I know "Seinfeld" always did poorly ratings-wise with black audiences so I guess this was him lashing out after all these years. It's weird that people were still laughing at the beginning of all the racismness. Maybe they thought it was Sacha Baron Cohen's latest character, TV's Michael Richards. Honestly, though, this is probably the most interesting thing you could ever expect to happen at a Michael Richards comedy show. Will future crowds be disappointed when he DOESN'T yell racist epithets? I guess there's a chance this is just a weird way to promote "Seinfeld" season 7 on DVD. "Look to the cookie," Kramer. STOLEN JOKE: "Now we know why he didn't take his lawyer's advice in the coffee suit." - Andre Olivie

Welcome to Miami (Bienvenidos a Miami)

This is probably my favorite "viral video" ever (I still hate that term, though). It makes "CSI: Miami" look at least as silly (just not as over-the-top) as Conan made "Walker, Texas Ranger" look when he played all those clips a while back when NBC and Universal merged. I hope David Caruso never sees this because then he might stop doing it. I caught the beginning of a repeat this weekend just to see if he would do it, and - you guessed it - he did. So great. I love him dramatically putting the shades on, and of course, how he delivers every line the exact same way. Sometimes it's not even a pun or something, and there's still the dramatic smash to the credits. He's going to be the next Chuck Norris-type Internet legend. CARUSO 4 LIFE.

Fit but you know it

New "Celebrity Fit Club" line-up. I liked the last round (a little bit), but this leaves me cold. They're really running out of celebrities, aren't they? Another Brady? Da Brat? Hasn't she been on like a million reality shows already? Cledus T. Judd? Kimberly Locke? I legitimately don't know who some of these people are.

I guess we're supposed to be interested in Screech since he's like, having sex on tape these days, but he's really just sort of a pathetic figure, especially given the super-stud his buddy Slater turned out to be.

Supersize glee

I've had a day to think about it, and if that wasn't the best "Office" of all time, it was very near that mark (at least on par with the last "supersized" episode, "Casino Night"). It's sort of weird for an already-hilarious show in its third season, with an already large cast, to add a character that is as funny if not funnier than anyone else around, but I do believe they've done that in the form of Andy Bernard. He's not the showstopper, he's the whole f'n show.

But what made it really great is that despite the influx of new blood, the original, beloved, Scranton branch wasn't just pushed to the side. Everyone had great moments, especially Ryan, Kelly, and of course, season 3 MVP Creed ("Right place, right time).

"My Name Is Earl" was basically a PSA.

"30 Rock" was funny, but it's getting to the point where it's sort of depressing to like it since it's so obviously going to be gone soon, so like, why set yourself up for that kind of disappointment again? I don't think it's a stretch, though, to say that Tracy Morgan and Tina Fey are the second and third funniest people to come out of "SNL" in the last five years. Alec Baldwin is probably fourth.

But man, the NBC incest/product placement is getting crazy. Not only did we get "Friends" references in both "Earl" and "Rock" (not to mention "Office," hilariously, playing off "Lazy Sunday"), there was also the weird shredder from Staples thing. Also, playing up product placement as a gag (like Snapple on "30 Rock") was funny 14 years ago in the "Wayne's World" movie, but it's a little stale now, and seems sort of toothless when followed up by a commercial for the product you are "ironically" plugging.

On another note, how great is the new, longer lasting Axe effect? It's so new! And longer lasting!

Find me guilty

How about that OJ? What a jerk, right? He's really resting on his laurels - milking a crime that's over a decade old? That's pretty lazy for a murderer. Everytime a big scandal sweeps the media, be it Lacey Patterson or Terri Schiavo or a Yankee pitcher flying his plane into a building, I hope that OJ is somehow masterminding the whole thing. What's the point of the special anyway? To give people tips on how to be better murderers? To let his kids know, in hindsight, how he really should have killed their mother? Although it's nice to see Fox returning to their slimy roots after flirting with credibility in recent years. We all miss the days of "When Animals Attack," "Celebrity Boxing" and "Let's give Michael Jackson time to tell us he's not a weirdo." I think by air date the bad buzz will be such that it'll likely never air, a la "Who's Your Daddy" or my even more controverisal reality show pilot, "Hiding in Kristen Bell's Bathroom." It's still unimaginable that any network (or book pubilsher) would even associate with the guy, especially this project ("Frogmen 2K6" would have been slightly more acceptable). Really, though, programming like this OJ special is exactly the kind of thing that makes me wish Jordan McDeere was a real television executive. Bad crack in the school yard, indeed.

Lopez dispensed

Congratulations to the least embarrassing former NFL player in the news today!

Emmitt Smith "ran" away with the title, "touching down" with the trophy. Right? Mario Lopez was probably more solid throughout the season, but I think Emmitt passed him up as far as charisma and people were probably tiring of Mario's obvious headstart in terms of dance training. And when it comes to a duel between a Super Bowl champion and someone on "Saved By the Bell," it's fairly obvious who America is going to choose. Of course, a Latino going down to defeat through popular vote is probably just a reflection of growing anti-immigration sentiment.

It's nice to see Jesse Spano (and Kelly Kapowski!) showing up to cheer A.C. Slater. Besides this and all of Zach Morris' adventurous dramatic roles on short-lived/about to end TV series, it's obvious that they've all turned out to be pretty decent people. Except that one guy.

Take a chance on him

ABC has been rolling out the promos for "Big Day," starting November 28 (not to be confused with "Day Break," which starts tomorrow). It looks well, uh - the important thing is that it stars Josh Cooke, which means this is his third midseason replacement in as many years. In 2005 he had "Committed," which starred Jennifer Finnigan (who inexplicably went on to star in an actually successful CBS legal drama) and Eddie Winslow. 2006 was "Four Kings," and I never watched that show and I've never met anyone who did.

He's quickly becoming the new Mark Feuerstein - the king of failed shows, including "Fired Up," "Conrad Bloom" and - of course - the beloved "Good Morning, Miami." To Bring It All Back Home, Mark Feuerstein has a new show ("3 Lbs.") which started tonight.

Word of warning to Mr. Cooke - don't make a video as lame as this one.

Future shock

Who would guess that future Christian Troy would end up looking like Tony Clifton?

Well, that episode could have been a real disaster, but it was alright. It's always a red flag when shows put their leads in old person makeup - see the "Will & Grace" series finale - but I think this worked. And in exchange for this being her last episode, Joely Richardson must have lucked out in getting the future-self that aged the best.

This actually sort of felt like a nice season finale for the show, and made the "on the next" scenes (more Brooke Shields! more organ stealing hooker married to Burt Reynolds lady!) look pretty pedestrian.

Cowboy up

Justin: who won DWTS
Albert: We won't know until tomoz
Justin: oh that's right
Justin: do you have an expert prediction
Albert: Emmitt
Albert: he's making a "run" for the championship
Justin: hee hee
Albert: I expect that trophy to "touch" "down" in his hands
Justin: Lopez: (Pacific) Blue Because He Lost

The greatest love story on TV this season is between Mario Lopez and Bruno Tonioli.

Of course they end up tied. Truly, it really is in our hands! Doesn't really seem right to me, since I think Emmitt's freestyle smoked Mario's, but whatev.

Ziering pain

They recently had a shindig of sorts to celebrate "Melrose Place" and "Beverly Hills 90210" finally being released on DVD.

No doubt, I think, that Ian Ziering has aged the best of the lot - he looked 40 when he was supposed to be in high school, and he looks 40 now (even though he's 42!).

(Annoyed grunt)n't see this movie

"The Simpsons" movie trailer. This really couldn't look worse. I guess it's hard to advertise a movie based on something we've all seen hours of - what can they show us that we haven't seen? - but maybe if there was some idea or indication as to why this movie even exists, and what they're going to be doing on a big screen they can't do on TV, it would be easier to show something. But instead this seems just like some sort of cheap cash-in for people like me who remember oh-so long ago when the show was actually funny.

I hate everything about this trailer. I hate the way the logo has a donut for the "O," which is a throwback to the first couple seasons of the show when they were known for things like Homer eating donuts and Bart being disrespectful to his parents. I hate the "A Hard Place" gag. I hate the Moe gag. I hate the fact that the 3D animal bit, which is ripe for parody, doesn't go anywhere and takes up 1/2 of the trailer.

There are conditions where a movie based on a TV show seem like a good idea - when a show was cancelled before its time and people want more ("Serenity"), when it's clear that the show could do more without the limits of TV ("Reno 911") or when there's strong nostalgia (any of dozens of crappy movies based on '60s or '70s sitcoms). But I'm not sure who a movie based on a TV show that most people are sick of that's way past its prime and on TV four times a day in every city in America is supposed to appeal to.

What I'm saying is that July 2007 can't come fast enough!

Brentmeister general

This is brilliant. And less than three weeks away! And on the same day "Scrubs" returns! There are some pretty big spoilers in that link - awesome sounding ones. Of course, what would really be cool is David Brent for some reason in Scranton hanging out with Michael Scott, but that makes about as much sense as Chris Martin appearing on "When the Whistle Blows" in "Extras" series 2. So no, it actually wouldn't be cool.

In other news, Ricky Gervias apparently also has a funny face.

Pillow talk

For some reason (well, because I knew Borat was going to be on) I actually watched Jay Leno last night, despite my best intentions to not watch that show. The best part of this is how desperately cool Martha Stewart tried to come across about everything. It's sort of getting to the Kermit the Frog level, though, of people annoyingly pretending that Borat is a real person in such situations. In case you missed it, here it is, but be warned there's one of those lame graphics that dudes who post things onto YouTube put on YouTube videos:



More great Martha bits, with her facing off against the beloved Amy Sedaris, here and here.

Dear studio audience, I've an announcement to make

Oh thank goodness.

Cosbys say the darndest things

A huge day for the Cos. Not only did he settle a lawsuit with a woman who said he drugged and sexually assaulted her, he's also coming to Phoenix! January 13, and tickets are reasonably priced between $45 and $55 bones. I wonder if he's going to tell jokes or act upset about things. Or drug and sexually assault people. Or make jokes about drugging and sexually assaulting people.

Branch out

Holy poop. It's going to be an "Office" for the ages (spoilers in the link, natch).

Tuck and run

Further evidence that this is going to be, I think, the last season of "Nip/Tuck." Or, as a friend suggested, "the midget will kill her off." I like the fact that she dated "in real life" the actor that plays Matt (her character's son) - that's probably one of the only relationships that hasn't happened in the show. Yet!

Another Sunny Day

Catching up on things I missed out on during my sojourn: FX has renewed "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," this time for a whopping 15 eps (they had 10 last season and seven for their first). Not quite as heartening news: Danny DeVito will be back as well, and is committed to the show through season six, if they make it that far. I thought Danny DeVito was usually pretty funny on the show, but some episodes became a little too much about him than the main four characters, and while that wasn't bad, it wasn't what I originally liked so much about the show in the first place. I understood that his being there gave "IASIP" a lot more media attention than it would have had otherwise (and it really did), but I thought maybe it was just for a one-season arc now that they've landed on their feet. Guess not.

Still, one of my favorite shows, and I'm glad that it'll be back.

Ratings schmatings

Our good friend Kristin Veitch is saying that the "back nine" of "Studio 60" is being "picked up" for a "full season" (TV Guide is reporting it, too). Not that surprising that NBC doesn't want to give up the goat after putting so much hype into it - this is, after all, the network that renewed "Joey."

But will they fulfill the fondest wishes of the forlorn "Friday Night Lights" fans?

On a side note, am I the only one who is wondering if we'll ever get to see the unaired episodes of "Joey"? Who knows what crazy turns Joey's relationship with Alex would have taken! And not to mention the wild antics of his nephew, and his sister, and that other dude. Good times.

Audit trail

Spider-Man 3 trailer debuts tonight, on like every one of Viacom's channels. Hopefully they'll show more of Venom - I still think that's brilliant casting, Topher Grace as an arch-enemy for Tobey Maguire. There's something very post-modernly sensitive emo guy brilliant about that.

AICN had some images up a few days ago, but they've since been taken down. Bummer.

Ed Bradley of '60 Minutes' dead at 65

I just heard this on CNN. Sad stuff, the guy was great - who even knew he had leukemia? Or that he was even sick? It's sort of uncomfortable to watch the anchors try and fill time with talking about how great a guy was when they just find out he dies, but they're doing their best, I suppose.

He hiatus me

Three months without "Lost." What are we going to do until then? Read? Spend time with loved ones? Watch "Day Break"? All those choices seem ridiculous. At least we got some hot Sawyer/Kate action before the break (Sate? Kateyer?). Not to mention Nathan Fillion!

Taye Diggs should consult Bill Murray for help with his quandry, though.

Mac not tonight

Can someone put V-Mars on the case as to where Mac has disappeared to? (I know they've technically explained her absence most episodes, but come on). It must be sort of a kick in the pants to be made a regular character on a show and then be on considerably less than you were before. The whole revolving cast thing is understandable due to budget concerns, but at least last season it was dealt with in a way that...made sense (Duncan fleeing to Australia, Wallace going off with his real dad). The way it's played out so far in season 3 is like if there were some "Friends" episodes with only Joey, Chandler and Monica, and some with Joey, Chandler, Monica and Ross, and some with Joey, Chandler and Ross, a few with Joey, Chandler and Phoebe, and maybe one even with Joey, Phoebe and Rachel, but never one with, you know. All six of those annoying people.

Ad nauseam

The single greatest t-shirt and billboard in New York City, respectively:

Separated at birth?

You think you know a gay II

It's days old now, but I was out of town and it really feels like this is something I should be addressing. I'm not sure how surprising it is or isn't that ol' Swarley is gay, but I'm happy that he's happy. It's also neat that there are at least two gay actors playing straight guys on TV, especially a noted poon hound like NPH's "HIMYM" character. It's possible that they could annoyingly milk the irony of the latter, but the mere thought of that is giving me douche chills so let's not go there.

As a preventative measure, I'd like to out the following television personalities, just so I can say I was the first one to do so:

1) Anderson Cooper
2) Dane Cook
3) Jason Alexander
4) The Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten
5) Collectively, The Backyardigans
6) Major Lee Adama
7) Ellen DeGeneres - between you and me, I think she's hiding something
8) Pro wrestlers Christopher Daniels and A.J. Styles
9) Christopher Meloni
10) Billy Bush

Voters: Whoa is Joey

Not a surprise - Mario Lopez and Emmitt Smith are way more charismatic, lovable, and you know, better dancers. Joey was good, and seemingly a very nice kid, but Mario and Emmitt has been the obvious choice for the finals for the long time. It's also a second-to-last elimination that makes sense, unlike last year when the adorable Stacy Keibler got booted before not one but TWO less talented "hoofers." Plus, seeing a white person cut in favor of a black man and a Latino makes me feel like we were transported to that "White Man's Burden" universe. And it feels good.

Oh, how awkward, I see I've missed a couple of eliminations. Eek. How about "Voters: Spring Jerry" and "Voters: Give her lump of Coleman"? Maybe it's good I missed them.

Somebody save me

It was only a matter of time:

http://www.savestudio60.com/

Calling it "FireFly" doesn't help their credibility in my eyes. This is my favorite part, their marching orders for the F.O.O.S. (Friends of ol' Sorkin):

1. Tell your friends about Studio 60.
2. Watch the show tonight
3. Tell your friends tomorrow how good Studio 60 was!

Yeah, because "Save Angel" worked so well.